Wrap Yourself in Support
Since last week, I have had the joy of feeling totally enveloped by the love and support of my children on my birthday and then I sat with clients during the week for whom a lack of support is creating stress and frustration. As we worked together a couple of common threads emerged that I would like to share with you as they highlight just how important having an effective support network is to our sense of well-being.
When we are disappointed by the lack of support from those who are closest to us it is very easy to slip into a pattern of focusing only on what they are not doing. Now I have written many times before that what we focus on expands and so when we focus only on what is frustrating us and upsetting us it can really build in our heads and then our stress levels continue to rise and rise.
While in an ideal world we would let these individuals know that we don’t feel supported, identify what behaviours need to change and then it would all improve and we would feel supported. However that process of changing behaviours takes time, it is not always easy to communicate what we need in terms of support, that we may just know that we don’t feel supported.
Now while the relationship will need to be worked on for long term improvement, in addition if you do not feel supported in one relationship right now then it would be prudent to seek out other family and friends to give that immediate support that you require.
The second theme that emerged with my clients was more specifically in relation to work. Bringing the frustration and feelings home from work and venting for half the evening was not proving to be an effective strategy. Nothing was actually being achieved in the venting. Both of my clients are going to try out a strategy for writing out their frustrations before they get home an then burn them and then focus on kindness and care as they walk in their front door.
And so my challenge for you this week is to consider your own support network. If it is working well for you take the time to acknowledge and thank them – it is always good to be appreciated. If you need more support, then seek out people that may be in a position to give support and ask for the support that you need.
Take the time to tell your support network what you want your support to look like. It may be to know that you are really being listened to and heard. It may be that you will need ideas and suggestions. It may be that you need distraction. It may be another perspective and a different interpretation of facts. But most important find your support and your stress levels will reduce!